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Absence Makes the Heart Grow Cold

When I was a child I watched many Disney movies. Sword in the Stone, Fox and the Hound, and Peter Pan were among my favorites. I remember in Disney’s Robin Hood Maid Mariam told her friend how much she missed seeing Robin Hood while he was hiding in Sherwood Forest. Her friend replied, “Ah yes, but absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Even as a child I knew this was stupid. Absence from a person doesn’t make you love them more, make their relationship grow stronger. Absence and physical distance can destroy a relationship. Here are three things that can’t focused on while you are physically apart:

Affection
Physical distance can occur while one partner is on deployment in Afghanistan and the other one is home, but physical distance can also occur while one partner is on the other side of the couch. Physical distance is signified by a lack of affection and touching. A loving couple ought show affection. Holding hands, snuggling, a kissing ought to be common occurrences in your love relationship. If you find that your marriage is faltering you may need to reevaluate your affection habits. Reach out and touch someone! And it better be your spouse. Song of Solomon 2:6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.

Romance
Don’t lose the romance in the relationship. Tell your love many times a day how much they mean to you and how sad your life would be without them. Verbalize your love and encourage them to verbalize their love in return. Do romantic and unexpected things that will prove your love. Your goal ought to make your spouse feel about you the way the writer of the following Scripture felt about their love. Song of Solomon 2:5 Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love.

Sexual Fulfillment
Let’s just be blunt here. You should be enjoying sex with your spouse… often! Too many married couples are living a life of celibacy. There is something seriously wrong with your marriage if you are not physically intimate with your spouse on a continual basis. Some marriages are dying due to simple sexual starvation. Understand, God gave you the gift of sexuality to bring intimacy, joy, pleasure, stress relief, and relaxation to your life. To not be taking advantage of this gift is foolish indeed. I have been asked before as I have preached on this topic, “How much sex is too much sex in marriage?” My answer is always, “Whaa…huh?!?” I guess if you’re not going to work, haven’t paid the bills and haven’t seen the kids in a couple of days then you may need to gear it down a little. Proverbs 5:18-19 Rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Here we see the answer to the question, “How much Sex?” He says, “always.” I believe the key here is not a specific number for every couple is different and sexual appetites will vary. The key here is fulfillment. Are you sexually fulfilled? Is your spouse sexually fulfilled? You should find all of your sexual fulfillment in that person and that person should find all of their sexual fulfillment in you.

NOW LISTEN: The only way to know if your spouse is experiencing sexual starvation or sexual fulfillment is to communicate! Communication is the key. Don’t be afraid to talk about this! I will write about communication in the next blog post.

What are your thoughts? Am I way off base? Do long distance relationships work occasionally? Do you have a question that I might be able to answer?

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3 Comments

  • Reply
    Jamee
    May 28, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    During forced separation Stacy and I found the most romantic thing to be hand written letters to each other. Throughout the deployments we have written them back and forth and we both oddly enough have kept them all. There is just something more personal and special about a handwritten letter.

    • Reply
      Joshua Teis
      May 28, 2013 at 8:02 pm

      I love that comment!

  • Reply
    Jk
    October 31, 2013 at 1:59 am

    I fell in love with my best friend (in Australia) 3 months before I moved back to America. We both knew it would never work, but through messages, skype and emails, ten months after I moved back to the US, he told me he wanted to live out his days with me. I am now back in Australia as the Lord opened the door again, and we plan to marry in April! 🙂 So, yes, it’s rare, but it does happen. 🙂

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