Destroying many relationships today are the words that go unsaid. In the nine short years that I have pastored the good people of Southern Hills Baptist Church I have had hundreds of hours in marital counseling. It seems to me that the #1 issue that couples complain about is a Lack of Communication in the relationship. They don’t seem to communicate like they once did. According to the following verse we need to learn the incredible value of communicating the right words to our loved ones: Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. To improve your communication skills you must:
The Right Time
The Right Topics
The Right atTention
If you are not communicating in your marriage like you ought then you need to schedule times to communicate! I know this does not sound very romantic but it is necessary. Find the right time. Block off 2-3 hours of uninterrupted talk time. Don’t laugh at me as if this is not possible. If you have to find a babysitter… then do it. If you have to sit in a coffee shop… then do it. If you have to miss your favorite show or the big game… then TiVo it.
After you schedule the right time identify the right topic. Sometimes you may want to discuss everything and nothing all at the same time. That’s great! Sometimes one of you will need to really talk about something specific. Then make it clear to the other person what it is you want to discuss. If you have the right time and the right topics then all you need now is the right tension… at…tention. You must be able to completely focus on the conversation of you are to truly communicate. You will not be able to do this while watching Ironman 3.
One of the best ways to develop good communication skills in marriage is to use your words in kind and spontaneous ways. A wife saying to her husband, “I really admire the way you…” Or a husband saying to his wife, “I really adore your…” These things ought come out of the blue. Always be ready to give a word of encouragement to your love. One of the best ways to do this is with words of appreciation. “I really appreciate that you did the dishes last night.” “I want you to know how much I appreciate your willingness to work so very hard.” “I notice your walk with God and I appreciate your dedication to your spiritual growth.” Often married people truly do appreciate their lover but they seldom express that appreciation. This can damage a marriage.