Dishonesty is a true sign that a relationship is not working. No one is perfect and it’s dishonest to present yourself as perfect to your partner. We all have a past and we all have current struggles and temptations and we must be open with your spouse if we will ever build trust. Dishonesty from her husband will destroy any sense of security a woman may feel. The Bible says this in Proverbs 11:3, “The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them.” Contrariwise, a virtuous wife will live in such a way that her husband has complete trust in her. Proverbs 31:11 says, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” So don’t be a liar! Nothing is worse than a liar. Proverbs 19:22 A poor man is better than a liar.
The following list was taken from Willard Harley’s book His Needs Her Needs and has been adapted for this post.
The Born Liar
The born just can’t seem to help himself. He has a proclivity toward dishonesty. Have you ever known someone like this? They lie about everything, even things that don’t matter. I once had a roommate like this. It was just standard operating procedure to lie about his classes, friends, dinner plans, family, hobbies, etc. This kind of liar is often so convincing that they even convince themselves of their own lies. These dear souls get to the point where they cannot even identify the truth. If you find yourself in this category you need to seek help immediately. First, pray and confess your dishonesty as sin (I John 1:9). Second, seek competent counseling from a pastor, spiritual mentor or some other professional. If you don’t get ahold of this problem it will eventually push every person away from you. You will be alone.
The Avoid-Trouble Liar
Though not as dangerous as the Born Liar, the Avoid-Trouble Liar is still damaging his relationships. They say that honesty is the best policy but the Avoid-Trouble Liar does not believe this old adage. They believe that staying out of trouble is the best policy. Here’s the facts, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone finds themselves in troublesome situations. A person of integrity will be honest even when it is uncomfortable to be so. Here are a few seemingly harmless situations that this person will face and fail: “Honey, did you make the dinner reservations?” He has not but will say yes, knowing that he can easily slip into the other room and make the call. “Are you on your way home?” She is not but she plans to leave in the next few minutes so she will lie and give the impression that she is moments away. Later, she will have to back up this lie with another lie about traffic or someone stopping her to talk. These are harmless lies… right? THEY ARE NOT! Each and every time a person is caught in a “little white lie” they damage their integrity. Others begin to view them as less than trustworthy and they begin to view themselves as a dishonest person. Be honest, even when your honesty has the potential of bringing trouble.
The Protector Liar
This liar actually believes they are doing the right thing. They lie because they don’t want to hurt anyone. They are killing with kindness. A woman will be concerned about the family finances and ask her husband if everything is ok. He responds in the affirmative. He lies about the credit card debt, bouncing checks and calling creditors because he desires to “protect” his wife from the truth. A preacher will ask his wife how the sermon went. She will lie. Though everyone in the congregation was asleep, the few who were awake were offended and the Scripture was twisted to fit his unscriptural premise, she will lie and tell him it was wonderful. She wants to protect him… from the truth. Under this category we find the infamous enabler and the codependent spouses. The enabler will lie about the obvious addiction that they see in the life of their loved one. They will ignore the self-medicating, drug use, alcohol abuse, destructive habits, and overeating and allow the loved one to destroy their body while protecting their emotional state. They incorrectly believe they are helping their spouse by lying to them about their problems.
What are your thoughts? Do you believe that I am being too strict? Would you phrase these truths in a different way? Have you ever experienced these kinds of lies or liars?